rockstar ronan who is mr sparkly eyes

me: UGH. Ronan, do you want to know the one question I get asked, all the time? I opened a letter from someone saying how they had heard your story, wanted to help, but they only had 1 dollar. Ryan Starr - Wikipedia I might just fall asleep with a smile on my face tonight and I might just be going out to New York City in a few weeks. My skin was crawling, my head was screaming, and I was tossing and turning. Thank you for keeping his mama going by showing me how much the power of love can move mountains. I honestly do. Pearl Jam ended the concert with Keep On Rocking In The Free World, and of course I sang along as loudly as I could while I thought of you the entire time. Why is the house so quiet? And that is all I want more than anything in the world. Ronan. We have been dealing with some *cough cough* technical difficulties. I was wrong. I dont remember that, but apparently I wrote it so it must be true. Ro baby. I couldn't take it anymore. Fo shizzle. I love you to the moon and back. How can words comfort that? What amazing little girls. How much you wanted a baby sister. I asked him how I was ever supposed to face the world again as I never went anywhere without Ro, my little partner in crime. Your Mr. Sparkly Eyes, and Poppys Godfather, said to me a while ago, You know its going to be a circus. I just told him in no way shape or form did I want that. I left the mall, upset and sent my little Mandy Bee a message. Every single lyric, makes me lose it. I have learned to be present, to smile when all I want to do is cry, to be productive when all I want to do is curl up in my bed for a week, and to throw myself into things that take a lot of work, but the work leaves me distracted. I am so lucky to have them all. Your brothers sat playing on their iPads and I was on the table, getting my little belly lubed up. 4 boys but there should have been 6. There was one person I had not told yet. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, but before I knew it, I was sobbing so hard it was all I could do to make it to my car before my tears formed puddles at my feet and I just slowly drowned. I could hardly get that story out without choking on my tears. This pregnancy/growing your baby sister is hard freaking work. I just let my eyes fall to the floor. Poppy is so lucky. I am going to need some time with her. I was hoping she wasnt thinking, Who is this crazed stalker with purple hair?? On Friday, 'Ronan (Taylor's Version)' was widely released for the first time as the album's 21st track For many of Swift's younger or more casual fans, this may be their first time hearing the song. It was no use. Please keep this baby girl safe for me, Ronan. I know the pain of losing a child, at any age, is awful. They are so not cool with it. She told me had you had this at birth, it would have been so microscopic that nothing would have shown up. I got up to do a few things yesterday. I love people like that. A life full of moments is what I am left with, Ronan. I had a long board meeting last night. Can we talk about when you can induce me. I need to get in some hours working on this book. Holy smokes I was blown away! I sat in my bed for a couple of days and pondered life and death. I think it would have gotten the Ronan seal of approval. We met up with some friends. Your questions are sweet. The thought of this made me laugh due to Dr. Jo. Your day of death. They taped the dollar to the letter and said they were giving it to me. I love you. This never works, but I will continue to try for the rest of my life. This is the girl, who ran a marathon, without training for it, just because. To me, this is a private time for our family. I find myself sitting and trying to process all of this on a deeper level but I mostly just sit in disbelief that this world hasto bewithout you. It was a balloon with a card and a little baggie attached to it. If that wasnt enough to make me cry, the next thing was. You know how he loves to play devils advocate with me. Im sad. That oh so fun place only moms get to go that have had a child who has died. The ones in life that make you think about things from every different angle and dont want you just to take the easy way out. Darling. It is the pieces of pretend that give me a break from our reality. Not crying. But you are doing such amazing things and even if you cant see it now, you are changing the world because of him and because of your pain. I sat, listened, and fought back my tears the entire time that I was with him. P.S. Plus she says the word, Fuck, a lot which you know I appreciate. I love you. Soon, my head was filled with thoughts that I couldnt control. Ive been keeping myself busy enough because my life depends on it. Then the next letter, from a mom, whos husband is working 3 jobs, they have nothing, but she cleaned out her change drawer. I know what I am coming home to. But due to the fucked up things that go on in my head, I have convinced myself that if we had live here, you would not have gotten cancer and died. Good friends. I know you will be a part of her, Ronan, but not in the way I want or you want. I think I will wear black all day long. I so badly wish you were here. To feel everything I know I am going to be feeling. Maybe after she gets here, my mind will change but as of now, it has not. I can not wait to have an actual place to go to where I will be a thousand times more productive. Why are your eyes so red today? He asked. Its comforting to your daddy and brothers so this is why I stay here. How I miss the simple days of chasing you around. Holla! And in the cancer world, with this organization, that is absolutely the case. I'm trying to get there as fast as I can. Ronan. I dont want anyone at the hospital, except your daddy and your brothers when the time is right and she is here, safe and sound. Ill keep you posted on when things are ready. I decide to start today with, enough is enough. They both asked if I was sure. Its fucking depressing, to say the least. I'm on my way home, and then I'm getting on a flight. Thank you, Amy for hooking this up. Not crying. I had forgotten about that story that happened while Woody and I were in a Nordstrom Rack in San Diego. A lot of time at home, which is still hard for me. I miss you. I saw my OBGYN as well. I miss you. Your costume. Eager and passion are both things I feel from her. I dont think she knew quite what to make of me. Thats how I like it., Him: I know you insist on doing allthese things alone, but its not the way it should be. I cannot tolerate a life of complaining of nothingness. Me: Do you think Ill ever stop being so sad?, Him: Darling. Ronan. The way I run myself ragged, Im surprised it took this long. The problem Im facing is I may have too much material, and too much to say. They didnt judge me. Ireland Ronan. Fernanda came up with the brilliant idea to find an actual mannequin and dress him up like Captain Rex to look like he is playing next to the tree. Im really sick and alone and nobody wants to take care of me., Mr. Sparkly Eyes: You are not alone. I am blaming it on my old age;) 34 feels a lot different from being pregnant at 25 and 29. I had Quinn call your Nana. I feel like I am back there again. Best news ever. I went up to the mom. I think I told you that I tried to prep, with Dr. JoRo about this whole getting pregnant thing. Whats going on? Please rest. That means everything to me. THANK YOU. She needs a break and this trip is just what the doctor ordered. I felt myself panic. I live on, for you because I love you so much. It felt good to be out and about, doing something a little out of my comfort zone. "My darling, call the number back." This came from the man who answers every phone call from every unknown number that rings him up . This was not something I was going to tell him over the phone. You two had a bond and almost a secret language. I would give my life for those problems. I cannot wait for next year and I am so proud to call this place, home. Thats all for tonight. I need to rough them up a bit. I was not about to put on a pretend one for him either. She is surviving all while making this world a better place. I love you, Ronan. So much so that I am wondering if Ill become a vegetarian after this. What I wouldnt give to have just one more second with you. That is basically like naming her Wooddawg. I had to laugh at that. I have yet to find a good book about what it is like to have a baby, after going through something as traumatic as losing a child to cancer. Forever sorry. That you had to be robbed of our beautiful time together. I was in the hospital with your Poppy sister. Blackness engulfs my forever painfully aching body of grief. I hurt badly from this and I only get to feel this on a small scale compared to you. Yes, it is wrong. Today, my tears were more happy. I have had a blast and it is a healthy, good distraction. I was on a mission to grab some things for our very empty refrigerator. I wake up to the fucking sunlight obnoxiously screaming in my face. It was the Ambien that knocked me into a black coma of oblivion, not the soothing words of everything is going to be alright that I needed to hear. Everyday, she is surviving Ronan. I wont do it. Ronan is not going to let anything happen to you. That phone call that has had me down on my knees every day and night, begging and screaming to you to please DO NOT LET THIS BE STAGE IV FUCKING BULLSHIT CANCER AGAIN. Goodnight, mommy. It felt good just to be out with my friend. Its so funny. But most of all, I miss you. This makes me mad and sad and I want to scream from the rooftops how unfair this all is because I know you would have grown up to do such amazing things in this world. A light-hearted but heavy-hearted way to make some money to get Dr. Mosses trial funded, seemed like the way to go. We went over the ultrasound and all of Poppys measurements which look perfect. That all I get now are beautiful moments in life. I was in the hospital and I had this baby of ours. (still sick and maybe a little depressed) He put his keys on our dresser, just like he always does, right in front of your urn. This appointment just happened to fall on her birthday! Its my pretend world and I can live in it if I want to. Ill enjoy them while I can:) I was productive yesterday. They asked if I would be up for doing Skype interviews with them, pretty frequently. The exact same things feel so wrong and are so hard for me. I got a text from Carolyn saying to call her that she had some news. It was an emergency last night. You would be so proud of the way they are killing it on the court. These are kids. I love that so much. I have a few more weeks before I will find out. I saw a cat in our driveway and right behind that, a big raccoon. That phone call that left me with my head going to the worst possible places and telling myself I wouldnt survive this big of a loss, once again. No eating required. THANK YOU. We didnt ask for much, Mr. President. I love you. Dr. Schwartz asked how I was feeling. I ate your favorite pizza and soup. Gnight baby doll. This extreme fatigue and nausea, are mentally beating me down. Ronan - ROCKSTAR RONAN My shot didnt hurt for me today. I was walking back to my car and I just fucking lost it. Our seal needed a little make-over and update. But I am not doing this the nice way. I chose to escape instead. Fernanda. I hope you are safe. Lying in bed for the past year, would not have made you proud. I asked her to just give me some time and to come in, after we get home from the hospital. I have been so public with everything and after everything we have gone through, I want this little girl to enter this world as peacefully as possible. I had a little secret very important meeting today. Its all I can do just to survive it. Posted on July 28, 2011 July 28, 2011 Categories Uncategorized Tags angels, arizona, Cancer, childhood cancer, Childhood Disease, Family, god, Lazer Tag, Mr. Sparkly Eyes, Neuroblastoma, Phoenix, Rockstar Ronan, sloan kettering, The Ronan Thompson Foundation, true love 11 Comments on Moneyball, Liz. Even on my darkest of days, when nobody knew what to do with me, they stood by me. I met a friend this morning for coffee. I will always look for you though. I had all I could take. This is why they are still in my life. I took Becca and Stacy there today. I really wanted a girl. Bye Bye Little Sad House! We Have a New Home! - ROCKSTAR RONAN To feel sad. Especially not in this day and age when kids die from cancer, due to lack of funding alone. I thank you for him, every single day. I asked your Mr. Sparkly Eyes. I met with quite a few people and will have some decisions to make. An apple pie first. I told him I would, but only because he told me to do so. Not to mention the fact that he is deliciously handsome, insanely talented, and I could just stop and melt right here. So I just turned around, walked back and wrapped my arms around him instead. Happily. I, of course went to, Oh fuck. I sent your Mr. Sparkly Eyes a text. I told him about the story that somebody told me about the Poppy flower. It felt like home. I know she did not have to do this. Thank you., Mr. Sparkly Eyes: I miss him. I know you want to be here doing them, just as badly. I think you would have liked the name. I am a wealth of knowledge in all things raccoon now. I think that is pretty good, considering our circumstances. Tears all over. I may have had a mini freak out last night in our hotel room. O.k. Please keep all the other people out there, who may be going through a hard time, in your thoughts. All I know is this is the way it is. Please!!!!!!! I just made a choice to get back up and live the only way I know how to live now by fighting for you and all you were robbed of. Youd think with all the shit I do, that walking into a hospital to get your costume would be easy, right? Not one second. It scares the shit out of me and I know what its like to lose you to cancer. I knew I wanted to go there during this trip but I imagined going all alone and crying into my favorite soup. And now has to stay here and is expected to go on with this so called life. I wish I could tell you it tasted as amazing as I remembered it with you, but of course it didnt. You only left me with the best and for that, I will always be thankful. Romazing. You know what comes next though. I hate you. Seems nobody wants to take on that topic. Ireland! I almost fell over. He asked me why I looked so perplexed. Sparkly Eyes - ROCKSTAR RONAN I think the name is darling and it truly makes me smile. It could have been everything from Im leaving for Tibet to I bought a dog. I think he was really relieved when he heard me say, Were having a baby girl. He was so happy. Missing you. Pregnancy. Her secret is not something you can get at med school. Stop making everything so much more complicated than it really is. Then perfect your baby has cancer Ronan. I cannot keep up with everything that is going on and life seems to running at an outrageous speed. I am just proud that I actually started it and I am making progress. I will never understand this. 2o minutes after taking that evil little pill and The bloody hell worst day of my life. The thought of that, put a smile on my face. So we talked a lot about your foundation and a few other top-secret things I have in the works. It was a boy. I miss you. Nothing more needed to be said as those words were enough. I dont understand this. Everything looks perfect, just the way things looked with you, too. Thank you, sweet strangers. I know this lesson they are learning in life and about your story will shape them in a way that they will go on to do amazing things. All of this is way much for one person to handle. This is why it is so important to me, the people we surround ourselves with and the life we choose to live. I cant wait to see you at the finish line! I told your brothers once again, how I really want to name this baby girl, Poppy. Throw in a traumatic death of a child on top of it and its a freaking party now! I miss you. Come on, settle down. Through my flood of tears I sent your Sparkly a text, Can you please get Ronans costume for me. Im pacing the house now. Nela's mom and I have been cooresponding via email messages and just lately, through text messages. It was around 10, that I heard them both crawl into bed with me. You know how I am about just letting things, happen when they are supposed to. Now if I can only get those brothers of yours on Team Poppy. As in The Ronan Thompson Foundation has an office! We all are. Getting out of Phoenix was the right thing to do. I was aching to see your little face so badly that I wanted to throw up. She told me she would keep a close eye on me, strip my membranes again, like she did with you if I wanted Poppy to come out a little early. Early life. I beg over and over in my head. I sat quietly and watched as he bounced your baby sister on his lap and kissed her up and down. Hopefully in the next month or so, Ill have some of my energy back, but until then, I WILL power through this. Ive been hiking like crazy, with Poppy in tow of course. Although this is a happy time for us in our lives, the sadness of not having you here, to meet your baby sister is almost at times too much for me to even fathom. How stopping will make me want to run up my mountain 8 months pregnant and not come back down.
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