Be sure to tell them you love them. The right girl for him will love his family, too, because his family is a big part of him and who he is. Plus, she is the mother of your one-year-old. Now he is in the Montana Youth Challenge Academy for three more months and all he can talk about is getting her to come visit! Also, she was told that when my son leaves for work in the mornings, she must leave at the same time. To make matters worse, the car she arrived in was dirty and she made no effort to clean their hotel room up. I say then support the girlfriend don't put up with ugly behavior from your son towards women. Son's girlfriend doesn't like me. We have carted them about, they never offer petrol. If you were only good to them and they still treat you this way, I would sit them down for a talk to find out what they are thinking. I asked him 3 times and said no! The real issue is not about accepting your son's girlfriend, but rather accepting the choices that you as the parent make. If they are spending much time together and less time on school or other activities. How about when your son is abusive to his girlfriend treats her like crap hits her slaps her does horrible things to her and he blames her. We did not attack our son's former girlfriend but we only continually expressed our love for him. "One reason why I fell in love with her is because she is a lot like you in that she is very caring and kind." She said she heard a girl laughing and when she look over the window, she saw them, my son and the girl helping my boy doing his laundry. However, it would be a tragedy to hang on and settle for a so-so relationship only to run into the love of your life later on when you're committed to this dissatisfying one. He sold the Camaro he had(that he owed money to his older brother for and used what he got for it to put more towards the new 2016 car he purchased for his girlfriends parents). We have tried to talk with our son about what we felt in the beginning was just typical new mom depression or her being overwhelmed. I almost feel as though she's brain washing him. original sound - Ryan The Lion. My son had 2 vehicles at the time and didn't need another one. I have a son, only child, he just turned 18 and just graduated from high school. Not all life paths are meant to be easy and if he chooses a hard path, we'll walk it with him. Hi Lori. please help.I have a difficulty with my mother currently. We just want him to have a healthy relationship that does include friends and other people rather than so wrapped up around this family with no responsibilities and can come and go as he pleases at their house. My son wants to tell me and he has an expectation that I should welcome her with open arms (she has never been welcome in my home). My main support is that she liked to undertake Nursing as she said she likes to serve the community and I paid for her registration and now she has received a study loan for the whole year and now has one year left for her studies. #533: Can I bar my son's unlikeable girlfriend from family events? Her parents don't care what they do. He always say "no or I don't have girlfriend" whenever I ask him questions like that. Do not address the negative comments that she is making to others or she will have to defend herself and she'll get resentful towards your fianc. If you withdraw your love, she'll only resent your fianc for it. One day, he asked me through text messages to give him $20 because he's going out with his friends to eat out. I can't undo what I said to my son about my concerns about the neglect and stealing of clothing. This girlfriend of your son's doesn't sound like she would make a good mother or will make him happy in the long run. That is all. You dont own him alright??! But it is your house so you can draw some lines: She can't sleep over. What's your favorite food? This is where all of your loving parenting in the past will be put to a test: Will he trust you over his girlfriend? I know from experience! My problem started when I noticed that my son was getting close to her. Sometimes, mothers assume their children know they are loved but it is important to express it in words as well as actions. Then there was the mornings she would stay in bed and my son trying to wake her but she wouldn't get up. This has caused some problems be Do you still talk to your son and express that his family loves and misses him? The VERY 1st time I met her did not turn out goodclothing (left nothing to ghe imagination); cussed horribly (every other word was the F bomb); and she was SO extremely disrespectful to my son (he just stood there like a deer caught in the headlights and took it). Am I in the wrong? But instead of staying near home with friends (he had burned bridges because of her)he ran back to the big city where he graduated, brought her with him and there is when she resumed prostitution. Well, as a mother, I keep holding on to the trust that we have to each other. We were trying to give him support until he found his first professional job. also, this girl has done some things that have been very disturbing as well, that would scare any mother. Our grown children won't want to be around us if we're always offering our unsolicited opinions or judgments! But that's not an option anymore. Asks them questions about how they feel about their situation. Remember that he is an adult and just because you're his mother doesn't mean you can tell him what to do anymore. For the first 8 months we got along very well. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. If she is emotionally abusive/manipulative, she will expertly use your criticisms of her to drive a wedge between you and your son. She has had very bad comments that show that she disapproves of our relationship in front of family members and others. We sent him a cheque for his birthday and he has spent it on an engagement ring for her. There is a social hierarchy with a code of acceptance or rejection. Whatever you do, always, always be sure he can feel your love for him. Why else would a decent young man tolerate a girl who mistreats or disrespects his parents whom he loves? does gopuff accept ebt cards. A 16-year-old girl with those types of problems most likely has moved on to another guy while your son is in detention center. My son started dating her while she was still pregnant. My son is blinded (21) and doesn't see the red flags all of our family members have seen in his life since he has met this girl and her parents. Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on November 03, 2015: All great advice, Lori. To do it for her would only weaken her and it would only be temporary. Girlfriends come and go. In this way, you will show him that it isn't that you do not "like" the girl. But it is gonna be a hard task to accomplish. I told her the last time she disrespected me she was not welcome here any longer. 248 likes, 36 comments - Natalie B. justice advocate (@natalie.kristeen) on Instagram: "I wasn't prepared for the grief or guilt as an adoptive parent. The fact that they began to date when she was only 15 shows me that he might like playing the older, wiser man. It's hard for him because it's his first love. It feels bad because the person has some good or redeeming qualities and there could be some good feelings and even love there. we seriously can't stand this girl can't even be in the same room with her without wanting to hurt her! He feels protective. If she comes with serious emotional baggage, including mental or physical illness or addictions and he loves her enough to take her as is, you need to step aside and allow him to walk the life path he chooses. It's important not to judge the girl or he will rush to her defense. But as long as he is aware of what could be around the corner in a bad relationship, you must back off, let him make his mistakes, and let him find his joy. Here is my advice: For the time being, don't fight against this girl or this relationship. The final nail in that relationship was ahe cheated on him with his best friend! Do your best to show how your wife has increased the joy in your life and their lives (your parents'). I can only suggest that your area of expertise is love, the love of being his mother. He has no contact with his own young teen sister other that to be nasty & derogatory. Whatever you do, don't meet this girl's bad behavior with more bad behavior. What can I do? Within 1 1/2 years, she has had five jobs. She's the one with the closest relationships to all involved. Confronting them will not likely end well. Learn from the experience - that is what I am trying to do. Required fields are marked *. Have they always treated you this way? He saw that her depression, dark attitude, and erratic behavior would not be good for children and that his life would be forever difficult. They will remember all of your loving care you gave them through the years and eventually, they will change their behavior towards you. And her son came running home: Chimp Stealing Kitten Dream Interpretation, http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art30033.asp. He said it was his male friend who visited him but not the girl! And since I had not ever met her, she would reply to my son and my private conversations PUBLICLY on social media (repeatedly). 65 Likes, TikTok video from Ryan The Lion (@ryantrout1): "Me when my girlfriend doesn't want to hang out with me". THAT calls to the little boy in him. Since she returned home with her younger child, she has been working my son who suddenly thinks raising one child is doable and the other child is not coming. 2,799. The time to say your peace is before they reach the altar. How can a man, my son, allow someone to treat me as such and why is it acceptable to him? Our kids, who started dating in high school, broke up at the beginning of their sophomore year in college, after dating for nearly two years. I hear that you are being emotionally drained by this. I have no idea why or what we ever did to make her this way, but she has always been the same. Adult son and controlling girlfriend - City-Data I mean, I . All I want is for my son to finish college first before getting into a relationship. Try to treat him like the independent young man he has become. But we keep working at it and we keep the lines of communication open. Many things are said that night including how the mother feels the kids should be able to make their own decisions and how her and her husband met in high school and are still together. Please give me an advise. I forgot to mention -- his girlfriend is moving away in June. During this time he started dating a woman he met online from another state who was pregnant with another man's child. About 11:45 that evening , there is a knock at the door and girlfirend is standing there crying histerically with her mother. Our son has been dating a girl for 1 year. I asked my son why she's too nice to our dog and he just told me, she likes dogs too! He pays them rent, buys all their groceries, makes the car payment(oh and both his name AND her Dad's name is on the title but my son said he is the one who makes the payment). What occurred next is when I saw my son next I pointed out the stains and explained what I had to do. I find it useful,I have four son one came home with a girl who will never say hi to me when he first start'ed going out with her, I always said hi some time she will just be looking at me, and my son will be there when she is doing this,this is my first son, now my #2 son will tel his girlfriend not to talk to me when he has problem with me even now he send his graduation invitation to his girl friend and a friend, when she see will also not say hi,how can I understand this ,I care for this children when their father left when they were babys is this what I get for 26years, please help me.